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http://www.torsun.canoe.ca/News/Columnists/Mandel_Miche.../12/1083332-sun.html

Michele MandelSun, June 12, 2005

Smokin' family feud

Michele Mandel visits the home of the Kaczmarczyks. He's on a hunger strike because she won't quit smoking
By MICHELE MANDEL, TORONTO SUN




"HE'S SNAPPED! Richard Kaczmarczyk says he won't eat until his wife, Cathy, gives up smoking for good. (Dave Abel, SUN)
WALDEMAR, Ont. -- No food, no water, no medication.

Richard Kaczmarczyk is smoking mad and he can't take it anymore. And so the desperate husband has launched a hunger strike and called the media to try and convince his wife to finally give up her cigarettes.

"I've reached my wit's end," explains Kaczmarczyk, a 45-year-old truck driver. "I have to do something extreme to get my point across. Sometimes tough measures have to be taken."

Here in this pretty house in the country is the microcosm of the smoking debate -- a husband and wife at each other's throats over what one sees as personal choice and the other views as a lethal addiction with second-hand dangers.

Kaczmarczyk sat on his sofa yesterday, wan and pale from not eating or drinking since Thursday night. He's a big man -- 6-foot-2 and 250 pounds -- who jokes that he can afford to lose the weight from this starvation ploy. More serious is that he is also refusing to take his medication for manic depression. "I just want my wife to get the point that this is serious and I'll do what I have to to get her over this."


His argument is measured, calm and passionate. He's worried about both his wife's health and that of their young son, Alex, the little boy napping in the other room who he worries may one day have to grow up without a mother."

Sounds like he's already off his meds. Also sounds like she needs to get her facts straight. If she wanted to quit, she could, and admits she has in the past. At it's root, this thing isn't anything to do about smoking. It's "The Bickersons" for the new millinium.

The anti-smoking Toronto Sun ptinted my letter about that story.
Note the snide comment from the editor!
Someone else also didn't like that article:



RE "Smokin' Family Feud" (Michele Mandel, Sunday Sun, June 12): I am appalled that you would print this sickening story about a husband inflicting mental abuse upon his wife because she smokes. Was Mandel's intent to defend the husband's tactics? Or was it a message to all smokers that they must give up smoking habits or else? At the very least, he should resume taking his medication and the couple should seek marriage counselling. This article brings to mind the image of a spoiled child threatening to hold his or her breath until he gets his way. This column exposes the anti-smoking fanatics for the selfish, mentally unfit, control-freaks they really are.

Craig Anctil

Burnaby, B.C.

(And the unrepentant smoker is blameless? Guess we know where you're coming from)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I read with great disdain about Richard Kaczmarczyk's hunger strike to get his wife to quit smoking ("Smokin' family feud," Michele Mandel, June 12). I must ask him, was your wife a smoker when she married you? And, if she was, were your vows not for better or worse? People can't quit smoking for other people. Smoking, as proven, is more addictive than heroin. When she feels it's her time to quit, she'll do it. If this man is stupid enough to jeopardize his life by not eating, then he needs his head examined. Mrs. Kaczmarczyk, I say throw the bum out.

Kathy Bines

Niagara Falls, Ont.

(Apparently eating is more addictive than smoking. The hunger strike appears to be off)

Hi, I happened to google my name, and found this site. I decided to say a few things about it.. being "The Wife, the smoker" of the husband. There is far more to "THE STORY" than was written, as is so often the case.

I have emailed the editor of the Toronto Sun, and the new Readership columnist regarding the story Michele Mandel wrote. This is my email in it's entirety, who knows whether The Sun will print it or not.

I, the wife of Richard Kaczmarczyk, write today from my lovely Waldemar, ON home. I've just finished a telephone conversation with my father-in-law. It is only the 2nd time we've spoken of "the articles" that ran in the Toronto Sun about the "smokin' family feud" since the story ran 10 days ago. He and a friend told me about a follow-up story and the letters to the editor.

I'd like to set a few things straight, and share my views and opinions about the story that ran June 12th. I went to buy gas late that night, was very oddly drawn to the newsstand at the gas station where to my shock I saw the picture of my husband on the front page. I was numb for a minute. Nausea and anger followed immediately after. After a couple of minutes of standing in total disbelief, I picked up a copy went to the cash and paid for my gas and PAID for this story. I sat in my car reading Michele Mandels' article. Her story, for the mostpart was biased. Further, it was inaccurate and fell far short of telling the whole story, the real story. I appreciated, (to a degree) the article Matt Kwong wrote a few days later, if for nothing than to set a few facts straight, and quoting a few of the things I had said to him in the lengthy phone conversation we had. Ms Mandel's story carried very little of my side of this story. I am angry and disgusted with the sensationalist, drama-filled, attempt to tell a story that left out so much of the TRUTH.

So here's the true story. I smoke. I generally smoke 7-10 cigarettes a day - OUTSIDE. I have since we moved out of Smog-filled Toronto, even before my son was born 3 yrs ago. On very rare occasions I have had a cigarette in the house, and my husband "ok'd" it. As I told Ms Mandel, my husband and I have NOT sat down and had a mature, understanding, rational conversation about my smoking in many many months. I was side-swiped by my husband's fear-based starvation ploy. He has good intentions. He loves me, he doesn't want to lose me to a potential life threatening disease. His intention was to get my attention, an intervention he calls it. I cannot speak to Ms Mandel's intent, nor would I bother. As I said to Matt Kwong, IF my husband had sat down with me after my telling him about our neighbours' recent health tests and shared his feelings, I'd have listened with an open mind and heart. That did not happen. The story was written and printed instead. My husband was in no way wan and pale from lack of food and water. He is fair skinned, and works long hours, and was stressed. As for me? I was not smoldering in the background. I stood in my living room angry, but crying when I spoke with Ms Mandel. My request? Simple. Respect, love and support. He didn't have to go to an extreme to get my attention. I ask for love for who I am, and who I will become. Support me in a way that brings about a positive outcome. Respect the fact that I am a 38 yr old woman, who has the right to make her own decisions. This addresses my claims of manipulation, coercion and cruelty. Is it mental abuse? I think so. Was it intentional? I don't believe so. But rest assured, I do know the difference, as life has taught me many lessons.

Why am I angry over this article Ms Mandel wrote? Well, it is just NOT headline news, not THE Story of the day. If this is the best of professionalism in journalism that the Toronto Sun can do, I must suggest an overhaul. I have no tolerance for sensationalism, for writing a story just to "have a story." I cringe as I flip through the pages of that days stories and think to myself, "there are far bigger things people need to know about than this!" Why? Well, it was a ploy first of all. My husband's hunger strike ended the same night Ms Mandel and her photographer were at my home. And so, my husband may have been a bit hungry after 36 or so hours, but as he said, he can stand to lose some. (I found some humor in that). I know my husband did not expect his face to be plastered on the front page. He assumed it would be a small article - Maybe - somewhere in the paper. I'd highly recommend being certain of fact before running off to the press. Otherwise, it's just tasteless, unprofessional journalism. Had it waited a day or two, the truth could have been told.

To the readers who wrote to the editor, thank you for the support and opinions. To Craig Anctil - your comments are insightful, I'm assuming you are a professional writer. If not, then certainly someone who really knows why the chicken crossed the road. To Kathy Bines - I agree completely about the addiction aspect you spoke to. And yes, in My time, for Me. Thank you.

To Matt, my plan is still on. I'll let you know how well I fair. *smiles to self*

This, along with another very serious issue almost pushed our marriage to the point of no return. My will and determination are strong. My beliefs are stronger. Our marriage will survive, the love is bigger than any poison-filled stick. I can plant my own garden. I married to watch it blossom and share the beauty through the caring and nurturing of it, and not focus on the imperfections, or the rose that took longer to bloom than the pansy. That it has the strength to blossom is what matters.

Catherine L.
Waldemar, ON
(Note: My last name is not the same as my husband's yet. Another Assumption. I expect my letter to be published, but I do not Assume it will be.)

Catherine, thanks much for the rest of the story. I hope you and your husband can work this out.

Best wishes,
lockjaw

They did print your letter!

I am the wife of Richard Kaczmarczyk, subject of the articles about the “smokin’ family feud” (Sunday Sun, June 12). My father-in-law and a friend told me about the follow-up story (June 15) and the letters to the editor (June 19).

I’d like to set a few things straight. I went to buy gas late on June 12 and, to my shock, I saw the picture of my husband on the front page of the Sun. After a couple of minutes of standing in total disbelief, I picked up a copy and paid for this story.

I sat in my car reading Michele Mandel’s article. It fell far short of telling the whole story, the real story. I appreciated, (to a degree) the article Matt Kwong wrote a few days later, if for nothing than to set a few facts straight.

So here’s the true story. I smoke. I generally smoke 7-10 cigarettes a day — outside. On very rare occasions I have had a cigarette in the house, and my husband okayed it.

I was sideswiped by my husband’s fear-based starvation ploy. He has good intentions. He loves me, he doesn’t want to lose me to a potentially life-threatening disease. His intention was to get my attention; an intervention, he calls it.

He didn’t have to go to an extreme to get my attention. I ask for love for who I am, and who I will become. Respect the fact that I am a 38-year-old woman who has the right to make her own decisions.

Why am I angry over this article? Well, it is just not the story of the day. I cringe as I flip through the pages of that day’s stories and think to myself, “there are far bigger things people need to know about than this!”

Why? Well, it was a ploy. My husband’s hunger strike ended the same night Ms. Mandel and her photographer were at my home. And so, my husband may have been a bit hungry after 36 or so hours, but as he said, he can stand to lose some weight. (I found some humour in that).

To the readers who wrote to the editor, thank you for the support and opinions.

Our marriage will survive, the love is bigger than any poison-filled stick. (By the way, my last name is not yet the same as my husband’s, as reported.)

Catherine L.

Waldemar

(We hope you both get past this — and the smoking)

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